so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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