Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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