Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
