I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
