i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
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She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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