i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
