what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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