and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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