I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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