I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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