you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize