WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
