I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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