did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
