she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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