The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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