in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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