New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have so many feelings about this burrito
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
