soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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