Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
