It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
