He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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