Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
