my mouth tastes like poor choices
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
