She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
