You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Randomize
