he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I FOUND THE LEGS
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
