Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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