So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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