Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
