Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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