I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A+ Viking dick
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
