Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
