I think im going to throw up on grandma
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
