D3 body, D1 cock
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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