Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
