A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
