i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
