What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
