dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
