People with herpes should wear stickers.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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