I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
