I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
