Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
no, he came in my armpit
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
