I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
