I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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