Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
