with your own penis?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
