sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
