Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Drake has all the answers
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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