We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
