why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
