Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
