Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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