I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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