Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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