3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
