Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
