You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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