I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
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I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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