the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
