I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
