Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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