Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
