i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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