Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
