Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
