New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
