I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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