I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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