Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
