Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
