I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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