I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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