my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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