all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize