I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
