She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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