Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Girls should come with a carfax report
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
