You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
